My boyfriend Scott was the love of my life. He adored me, I was 17 and being adored felt good! After high school, Scott went to Kansas to farm with his uncle and I headed off to get a college degree. I missed him so much and at Christmas I traveled to Kansas to see him. By the end of January my breasts were tender and sore. Finding myself pregnant, I did not know what to do!!! Girls in my dorm said just go down to such and such street and they will take care of you. So off I headed, naïve and scared.
That abortion was in February and by June I had moved to CA and moved on with my life, all was good and the abortion was buried deep down in my soul.
When I met Wayne whom I married a year later, Scott and I parted ways. Wayne and I moved to CO, started having kids and life was good–or so I thought. The wound of abortion was festering, it needed attention but I did not know how to deal with it or who to talk to.
This began a descent into a very dark place for me. It was a place that was lonely, full of self-hatred, shame and despair. It is hard to describe the hurt, the sorrow and the hopeless possibility of healing. Because after all, those who have aborted a baby did it to themselves. How could this shame, emptiness, and weary loneliness that had me trapped and filled with rage ever change in my heart?
When a friend challenged me with what I believed about forgiveness it made me stop and think. I found a safe place to talk and it helped me realized that I was not alone.
Was your life changed by abortion? When you found you were pregnant and decided to choose abortion did you ever think you would feel this way? Sometimes you feel crazy, you are relieved but also anxious, angry and sad.
Many women haven’t connected the dots and fail to realize their symptoms of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, maternal bonding difficulties, nightmares, sexual dysfunction, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts are rooted in the pain of a past abortion. There are people to talk to and it does not have to become a secret that you bear alone.
I wish I would not have waited so long.
Be brave and let’s talk, there will be no criticizing and it is completely confidential. Break the secrecy and silence which is only isolating you from healing and hope. We get you; we understand because we have been there too.
