By Kim Klady

“It’s just one night, I won’t even get attached to get hurt!”

“I want to feel good too!”

“My friends and I were at that party and he was so good looking, how can hooking up hurt?!”

Have you ever had these types of thoughts about hooking up? What did your heart tell you the morning after the hook up? Was there confusion, hurt, the feeling something wasn’t quite right with your decision?

Today we are going to talk about the emotional and heart issues caused from casual hooking up.  More than likely, when you had your last hook up you used a condom for protection against STD’s, right? You might have felt like because you thought about your sexual health enough to use a condom or other form of birth control, that everything after that night would be just fine.  But the next day or days you may have had some regret that you tried to repress or not think about.  Other girls do it and seem fine, why can’t you?! 

Here’s why… we were created for relationship. It is as simple as that.  But because you are smart, educated and wanting more than a simple statement, I have more for you. Because we were designed to have sex within the commitment of relationship, our brains were made to release hormones to bond us with the first person we have sex with. However, our culture has said it is “Okay” to have sex with multiple partners outside of a committed relationship; this is where the problem lies. It is an actual chemical reaction (medically proven) involving brain cells and a hormone called oxytocin* that causes us to form a bond with that person.  This is the same hormone that bonds a mother to her newborn baby; it is designed to create a lasting bond.  This hormone also increases trust. 

When you hook up regularly, you tend to begin to ignore those feelings that are meant to bond you with someone, and instead, cause yourself to close them off. If you have been hooking up with guy after guy, or even one or two, you have allowed for that chemical reaction to take place in a causal way.  You probably by now know you can’t trust the guys and know that there is no reason to bond with them.  So what happens when you find “Mr. Right”? Because you have created and broken so many bonds, connecting and trusting The One can be difficult, especially if you start off your relationship by adding sex from the beginning. 

There is hope!! It will take time to repair the damage to your emotions that casual sex causes, but if you are willing to put in the time and effort, it can be done! Start by giving yourself a break from situations that may lead to hooking up.  Determine to find people that will support you in your decision to let yourself heal.  And take the time to get to know the special guy in deep meaningful, non-sexual ways before committing in that area. There are a lot of great books out there designed to help you really get to know a partner. One of them is called “101 Questions to ask Before You Get Engaged”, by H. Norman Wright.  Even if it isn’t headed to engagement or marriage, this book has lots of great questions you need to ask when you are feeling serious about someone.